


the baby

by illuchan



Series: heir [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Zoldyck Family Arc (Hunter X Hunter), a game of how can i write i fic about killua and not say his name one time, how do u make a collection on ao3 help Omg, idk what else to tag uh, mentions of restricted breathing and needles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:15:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27495562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illuchan/pseuds/illuchan
Summary: maybe, illumi thought in a secret corner of his mind only explored in the dead of night, if he had been able to hold his breath for longer at the age of nine, if he had awoken a fraction a second earlier when silva stood over his bed those nights, his parents would never have even had another child. there would have been no need; illumi would have been perfect.
Relationships: Illumi Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck
Series: heir [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2009395
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	the baby

**Author's Note:**

> guess who's back ... :D this was not at all the part two i had envisioned but i was trying to write a tweet abt this general idea yesterday night and then Boom 1k word thread in the twitter drafts at 1 am ... i am happy with this tho and i hope you guys enjoy reading it !!

twelve year old illumi learns of the fact that he's going to have a baby brother. exciting right? 

exciting, until the baby is born with white hair and striking blue eyes, unlike both milluki and illumi. 

exciting, until kikyou hands the baby over to illumi for training once he hits a year old. 

exciting, until the baby is no longer a baby, or a toddler, and is now six years old and quickly surpassing where illumi was at that time. 

exciting, until illumi is eighteen, kneeling on the floor of his father's room and being told he will no longer be the zoldyck heir, and that his place will be taken by the baby. 

the baby he trained and took care of to the best of his ability while his parents had more children. the baby, that now despises illumi from the depths of his soul. 

how the baby can even feel that deeply illumi doesn't understand. he tried his hardest to get it out of him. he attempted the same techniques mother and father used on him, though at a lower intensity due to their wishes. (illumi wasn't sure why. was it caution? for what? illumi turned out fine. perfect, even.) 

no matter what he tried, there was a still a glow present in the baby's eyes, a glow illumi wasn't sure he'd ever seen in his own, even before his training began. maybe it was just the blue. 

but either way, illumi's mission was clearer now. he had failed his family once, it seemed; he had let them down in some way. it couldn't happen again. 

the baby would be perfect. it was clear the baby was already naturally more competent than illumi, so he would make it everything he wasn't. the baby would make no mistakes, none of the ones illumi had made somewhere along the way that led to his demise. 

the baby would follow every rule as to not disappoint the family. this baby was illumi's last hope, his last chance at redeeming himself in some way, his last bright flicker of light before he exploded into the galaxy in a way reminiscent of a supernova. 

it was tiring, playing babysitter. sometimes, illumi wondered if it was a punishment for the countless lives he had ended too short or the disappointment he'd caused his family. he wondered if this would be his only time to play this role, as there was no need for him to be arranged a marriage and children if he was not to be the heir. those luxuries were all for the baby now. 

some nights (most nights), illumi stayed up, watching the baby's breathing, concealing his presence as not to wake him. 

sometimes though, not so often, not as often as he should have, he pinched the baby's nose and counted how many seconds it took for him to jolt awake. it must be shorter next time, he reminded the baby, once he had rubbed the sleep from his eyes and made him breakfast. 

maybe, illumi thought in a secret corner of his mind only explored in the dead of night, if he had been able to hold his breath for longer at the age of nine, if he had awoken a fraction a second earlier when silva stood over his bed those nights, his parents would never have even had another child. there would have been no need; illumi would have been perfect. 

quite clearly, however, something had gone wrong. and illumi wasn't perfect. but if the baby was to take his place, he would have to be. obedient, efficient, perfect. 

the baby had run away. mother was in hysterics, though that wasn't uncommon. father was calm and composed as usual, stating that he had faith the baby would return of his own volition. but illumi didn't. illumi knew, from spending most of his teenage and young adult years with the baby, that he would run as far away as he could get and never return. 

illumi almost encouraged it. the baby would be gone, silva would not know what to do without an heir, and illumi would be right there, obedient as always, waiting for his chance to be seen again. 

that couldn't happen, though. as much as a deep part of illumi desired the title, he had failed. he wasn't chosen, there was a reason, and he could not fail again. the baby was his last chance. 

he poked needle after needle into his face, the pain beginning to be too much, even for him. he picked an outfit he wouldn't be recognized in, stabbed more pins into the chest of it, and was on his way. he bid his mother and brothers goodbye.

illumi found the baby quickly, but he would have to wait to confront him and bring him home. it would cause too much of a scene to do it here and now, despite his desires. it was weeks before his opportunity. everything went according to plan, and the baby was heading home. 

things had been worse than illumi expected, though. the baby had made "friends," though illumi had quite clearly insisted that was going against one of the fundamental rules of being a zoldyck. illumi would figure it out though; he always figured it out when it came to the baby. 

he would compromise, and not kill the baby's friends, yet. he wanted his trust and love, however twisted it may be. (but a little part of illumi told him he had lost it long, long, ago, somewhere between the poisoned lunches and torture chamber visits.) 

illumi would wait, he would obey his father's wishes and let the baby roam freely. not quite, though, as he still had a needle implanted in his head to keep him safe. he would watch him from afar; he would prepare new training regimens for him to do when he returned.

illumi would anticipate the baby's return with the naivety of a child, still believing that he was number one, the person he loved the most. illumi's position had not been overtaken by the baby's new friends, or by father or mother or milluki, or alluka, or kalluto. 

illumi may not have been the perfect son, or the perfect zoldyck, or the perfect assassin, or the perfect friend or lover or anything else, but he was, without a doubt, the perfect brother.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope this was a good read !! it was .. interesting to write .. maybe i shed a tear, maybe i didn't .. i have a soft spot for illumi and killua having something reminiscent of a functional sibling relationship, so maybe next time i will take a break from the angst (it's unlikely tho lol)


End file.
